I have changed. Something inside of me has changed. It is difficult to define what and how exactly, but I'm pretty sure this internal twist of emotions started way back when McKenzie was born and they started slapping me in the face the day our #2 angel Macy was born. It goes without saying that perhaps her diagnosis of Down Syndrome might have had a little something to do with that.
After several months of soul-searching, going through the "motions" and praying to the Lord above to provide me with some clarity as to where I need to be and what I need to do to be fulfilled. My mind tells me one thing, my heart tells me another. My whole life I have listened to my mind - I certainly have not taken many risks. Joe and I have made a decision to listen to what my heart is telling us for once. It was not easy, but we have decided to turn the page and head down a new road on this road-trip that is life. I humbly accept my new position as CFO (Chief Family Officer) of Harnisch, Inc. This is bitter-sweet as I think I am one of the few who actually enjoy their career, job and co-workers (SKAR Advertising has been a phenomenal place to work - It has been truly a privilege to call myself a SKARface). I have always taken much pride in what I "do". It is part of what defines me. We also have an amazing day-care situation of which McKenzie LOVES and I know that Macy would thrive in as well. Joy genuinely loves my girls as if they are her own. She always says McKenzie "could be her #4 child"...and she would always tell me so kindly "I could just keep her"...isn't that sweet? What more could we ask for here?
But, at the end of the day, I am just. Not. Happy. I think, right now at this moment in my life, I would be MOST happy if I were able to simply BE. Be with my girls. Watch them as they grow. Be witness to all of their "firsts". They are not going to be little forever and I want nothing more than to be able be a full-time mommy to them. Sure there will be struggles and challenges. I do feel as though I am losing a part of what makes me "me". But I do think that, in time, not sure when exactly, but some day I will return to the workforce at some point. Probably in the media industry, it's my passion. But who knows. All I know right now is that I have an INCREDIBLE opportunity to be home and take care of my babies, it's my calling. And for that I will be eternally grateful to my amazing husband. Joe is such an incredible provider for our family. He, being the accountant that he is, of course had to, as I call it "geek-out" a little bit. Good old fashioned spreadsheets help provide him with a little bit clarity every now and again. We are not entering into this blindly. We are aware of sacrifices that are being made. And we are confident it will be well worth it.
Once I get over the tears and just accept this honorable role, Life will be good. VERY good. Thank you to all of you who have already shared kind words of encouragement and support. The outreach on facebook and email have already been overwhelmingly reassuring! Also, I have the best sisters in the whole world. They somehow knew that I would be in serious need of some quality "sister-time", so they all came over last night with dessert and we "cheered" and cried together over a bottle of wine. :-) They understood how much I valued my role as a "working mother". At the moment, I do feel as though I am letting myself down a little bit. But, I'm certain I will get over that feeling SOONER than LATER.
I am going to do my best to enjoy each and every moment. Eat it up and savor all the intense flavors that are in store. Easier said than done with a "temper-tantrum-throwing-three-year-old" (try saying that 3 times fast), but I am going to try. I want to be able to look back at these moments 20 years from now and remember them as being the BEST part of my life. No regrets!
As the wise Ferris Bueller would say: "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it".
My last day as a SKARface is Thursday. That will be a tough day.
Oh and by the way...Mike Collins begged an interesting question yesterday...He wondered what is going to come of my prized "SKAR Employee of the Year" parking stall?
Sure would hate to see this front row parking space go to waste. Place your bids folks!
Below are some pics of the girls enjoying their new Pink Papason chair :-)
I spotted this chair for $2 at a garage sale yesterday...sweet!!!
Their little patooties fit into it perfectly!!
The girls were watching "Baby Signing Times". McKenzie is starting to "re-pick-back-up" on some of her basic sign language skills like, Milk, More, Please, eat, etc...Hopefully this will pay off in a few months for Macy :-) Kenzie will be a GREAT teacher!
We paid Aunt Bethany a visit today. She continues to be in good spirits :-) As you know, she is pregnant with TWINS and is 34 weeks along! Doesn't she look great? Especially considering she has been on bed rest for a few weeks, plus her docs say that she is measuring at 42 weeks of a typical single child pregnant mamma, very interesting. She is hoping to keep the babies cookin' for at least a couple more weeks. So far all is well, she just needs to keep that blood pressure down, etc...Please keep Ja, Bethany and their babies in your prayers during this crucial time in their pregnancy. We are all anxious to meet these little ones (not to mention find out their genders), but we can WAIT! :-)
Now we are off to the Mallory's for a BBQ. We've got DS Supermom's Coffee in the morning followed by my good friend Al's wedding!! Yay Al & Brian!! :-) We are SOO happy for the two of you!